Blackout on the Blacklist
by NotEnoughTimeOnMyHands
Summary: Set post ep 11 but an idea that came to me before. It's not out of the realm of possibility at this point I think. Red and Lizzie are working together but are slowly driven apart... Until circumstances dictate the opposite.
1. Chapter 1

So here's a little something I'm working on. I just love a bit of angst! In this Tom is out of the picture (they're separated and he's moved to Nebraska). If it's not clear from this or from my other stories I am majorly shipping Red and Lizzie... Tom is always gone cause I wouldn't have her cheat! I only wish I could say to someone 'shipping is my business' in real life and not have them look at me like ... No, no it isn't!

Ps this is the first time I'm posting from my iPad... I'm worried about the edit as I think a few things sometimes slip by me here. Apologies if this is a mess xx

Blackout on the Blacklist

Red returns and resume his work on the blacklist but he is distant with Lizzie. She's considered his weakness by the FBI and his enemies, and that's dangerous to him and to her. And since he'll do whatever is necessary to keep her safe he vows to keep her at a distance. If everyone around them is convinced that he's over his '_obsession_' then maybe they'll both be safe.

At first the difference is negligible but before long it's noticeable and then it starts to hurt. Lizzie doesn't know what she's done to deserve being pushed away. She feels a sense of guilt about what Anslo did to Red and she thinks maybe he's decided she isn't worth it after all.

It's only because he's so manipulative that he can keep her close while appearing to keep her at a distance. But to him it's like having his cake and not being able to eat it. He sees her confusion, her discomfort and yet he finds himself unwilling to do anything about it.

She tries to persist with him, tries to bring their relationship back to more even ground but he doesn't give an inch. It's painful being rejected in so many small but meaningful ways. In a last ditched effort to reach him she visits him one night at Fredrick's apartment. The place holds memories for the two of them, she hopes they help.

"Agent Keen" he says evenly when she enters.

"Red" she replies.

"To what do I owe this unannounced and unexpected pleasure?" He asks, the dig not lost on her.

"I thought maybe we could talk" she says, her resolve already melting away.

He hears the apprehension in her voice and acknowledges that it's a necessary evil. "And what could we have to talk about? You have everything you need to apprehend the latest name on the list and I have nothing further to contribute" He says to her.

"You're right. I made a mistake. I'm sorry for interrupting you, it won't happen again" as she says the words she makes her way to the door. She thinks he'll say something, some words to lessen the embarrassment but he doesn't.

For the next few days the shame hardens her. She's angry and has no one she can talk to. Over the following weeks the feelings fade but she knows she won't make the mistake again. He's obviously finished toying with her and she may have been slow in the uptake but she's finally gotten the message. She's unaware of how vigilant he remains around her, and to her life, because that's how it has to be.

Raymond Reddington feels the change in her, like a cold wind blowing in, the atmosphere between them cools.

And then a few weeks later a real cold wind moves in to join it. It brings with it first a serious amount of snow and then a severe frost. Together they bring the capital to near stillness. It's not long before the extreme weather starts to cause power outages, frozen pipes and blackouts all across the city; Lizzie's apartment among the many without the means to light or heat itself.

She first notices when she wakes that the room feels chilled, then when she goes to investigate she discovers that the heat has been off for some hours.

She uses her cell phone to check with the power company and sure enough they are reporting wide-spread failures in her area. According to the alert they have crews working on the problem but there is no time scale for a fix.

Suddenly Lizzie wonders how long the problem will last. She briefly considers checking into a hotel that has power or maybe going into the Blacksite but both options seem a little hasty when she isn't even sure how quickly the power will be restored.

Instead she wraps up, and ventures to the nearest coffee shop with the ability to produce a hot beverage. It's busy, everyone else having the same idea so she takes hers to go and returns to her apartment. It may not have been far but it was an arduous trip through dense snow cover and by the time she makes it back the plummeting temperatures have chilled her to the bone.

She returns to her apartment to put more layers on and to pray for a swift fix to the power problem.

Hours later she's colder, the sun is beginning to set, removing even the suggestion of heat from the sky. She's been two more times to the coffee shop and returned no better off. The rest of the day she's spent checking for updates on her phone, until eventually the battery gives up.

She lights a few candles and settles in the chill of her living room, still not having entirely ruled out the idea of a night in a hotel.

Maybe an hour later there is a knock on her front door. She isn't expecting company and given the almost impassable condition of the roads and sidewalks she can't begin to imagine who it could be.

So she's quite surprised when she opens the door to find Dembe there.

"Agent Keen, Mr Reddington has requested your presence" he says.

"Tonight? No, sorry. There is no way we can hunt down a Blacklister tonight. We won't be able to assemble a team given the weather and hazardous driving conditions" she explains.

"This isn't about a case. Mr Reddington is aware of your power situation and asks that you come with me and bring an over night bag" Dembe explains.

"What? No. I'm not doing either of those things. I'm fine right here and even if I wasn't I can make my own arrangements" she says.

"May I come in?" he says stepping inside and closing the door before continuing "He suggested you'd be less than inclined to accept his offer. But he wants you to know that most hotels in your vicinity are either without power or fully book. There is no alternative."

"And yet... Still my answer is no" she says, sounding a little more flustered but just as steadfast. It's either her cold apartment or his cold shoulder and she'd rather die of hypothermia than give him the satisfaction of rescuing her.

"Very well" Dembe says removing his phone from his pocket. He steps away from Lizzie but she can still hear the brief exchange between him and Red; in which Dembe relates her refusal and his assessment of the current temperature within her apartment. He listens to Red's instruction before hanging up. She just rolls her eyes.

"Mr Reddington wishes you to come with me. Once he's satisfied you are well I will return you to your home, no overnight bag required" Dembe says.

"You've seen me, tell him I'm fine and that I can look after myself" she says, her anger mounting.

"He thought you'd says that or something similar. I'm instructed to take you to him, even if it's not willingly" Dembe says stepping slightly closer.

"Dembe" she says in warning. "I'm an FBI agent. You cannot kidnap an FBI agent no matter how much of an ass your boss is". But he continues to step closer.

"Dembe" she tries again, she means her voice to be more forceful but it's also taken on the slightest hint of hysteria. "Fine" she says holding her hands up and moving to get her boots and coat.

Outside in the street he leads her to an enormous vehicle that looks like it was designed for the Arctic Circle itself. Dembe doesn't speak the whole way, obviously pleased enough to have completed his task.

Having driven out of the city for some time Dembe parks the truck and leads her inside a house she's never seen before. Even in the car her frozen body had only begun to thaw so she's pleased when they walk inside to find the entrance way warm and well-lit. Dembe leads her further inside, knocking and opening a door to where she assumes Red is waiting.

"Lizzie" he says as soon as she steps through the threshold of the room.

She just glares at him. The heat of the house is further boosted in this room by a large, roaring fireplace. She feels her body relax for the first time since she woke this morning. It's only been 12 hours but somehow the heat feels like a luxury she's been starved of. She unzips her coat.

"I'm not staying" she tells him.

"We both know you'd be wise to reconsider that decision" he says unamused.

"According to Dembe you wanted to check on my well-being. Well I can personally assure you that I'm fine. It's just a little power outage, it's probably repaired by now" she explains.

"Your power is not restored and it is unlikely to be in the next 12 to 24 hours." He says, looking her in the eye, challenging her.

"I'm not staying here" she snaps.

"I think you are" he responds.

"And what would make you think that?" She asks, mocking him with her tone.

"Well I suggested you bring a change of clothes and it looks to me like you're wearing everything you ever owned" he says with a slight smirk.

God but she wants to hit him. All these months of keeping her at a distance and now he's dragged her here, almost forcibly.

She stares at him while his expression turns neutral then he steps forward and helps her to remove her coat. "I'll go and hang this up, make yourself comfortable. Dinner is in about 20 minutes, I have a sudden yearning for stroganoff." He says leaving her in the glow of the fire.


	2. Chapter 2

A/N Hello hello. Thank you so so much for all the reviews, follows and favs of the first chapter. So happy you liked it and so pleased so many of you shared what you thought!

I had a bit of trouble with this chapter but I'm now very happy with how it has worked out. I really hope you like it as much as the last one xxxxxxxxxxxxx

Oh and I did get onto tumblr although I have no idea what I'm doing. Notenoughtimeonmyhands was taken so I'm NeverEnoughTimeOnMyHands

Chapter 2

Lizzie settles herself near the fire, gradually removing the many layers of clothes as the heat penetrates her body. She looks around the room and isn't surprised to see that even when she can't heat her own home Red is living in the lap of luxury. Perhaps that's why he's brought her here; to rub it in. She feels small, a bit helpless and not at all special.

When Red returns he brings her a glass of red wine. She thinks about refusing but then realises just how juvenile that would be. She mutters a thank you... Still a little childish but definitely improving. She decides to confront him about this semi agreed to kidnapping, "Red, why am I here?"

He just looks at her, his expression one of mild consternation before he turns away, lifting him own wine glass.

Lizzie lifts her eyes to the ceiling as if answers will come from on high or she thinks there is more likelihood of that occurring anyway. The minutes tick by in silence while they both drink their wine. Unbeknown to her he watches her almost the whole time, captivated while she studies objects around the room or the contents of her wine glass. After a while Red stands and tells her dinner will be ready.

He leads her to a less than modest dining room, gently lit by a chandelier and bolstered by candles that sit on the table and a few surrounding surfaces. It creates a warm ambiance, elegant and a little romantic even. She feels confused when she considers the picture the room paints; what is he up to?

Although she knows he's had help, having been with her for the past 20 minutes he's certainly had help in the final preparations, but now he waits on her; topping up her wine glass and serving her meal. She feels like she should at least offer some polite dinner conversation but the distance that's developed between them is proving hard to bridge.

Instead she decides to stick to safe, if predictable territory, complimenting the food and wine. He tells her about the wine and she listens to his explanation of the region and character; she's missed his voice. She's missed the pictures his intricate descriptions can create. She missed him sharing things with her, things of interest that she has so little experience of.

When the stroganoff is finished he again refills her wine before leaving with the plates. She takes a long drink hoping that alcohol will help to lubricate the conversation, as she isn't sure how much longer she can stand to feel awkward around him.

He returns with a dessert of crème brûlée and she thinks that this is the most elaborate meal she's had since Tom left... maybe longer. It feels decedent and delicious and she enjoys each spoon full, savouring the smooth rich texture, slowly pulling the spoon from her mouth when she's sure she's licked it clean.

When she looks up Red is watching her, a soft smile on his lips, and an unfamiliar expression in his eyes. She feels a little embarrassed, like she's been caught doing something she shouldn't, "sorry" she says.

"For what? It looked like you enjoyed the dessert and that was the intention" he says leaning over and filling her wine glass once again.

"I did. I enjoyed the whole meal. Thank you" she says, lifting the wine, again hoping to ease her social anxiety. He just wordlessly watches her and she thinks there maybe isn't enough wine in the world to take the edge off.

When the meal is finished and he's cleared everything away, refusing her offer of assistance, he says, "I will show you to your room".

She looks at her watch, "it's only ten o'clock. Am I being dismissed?"

"Not at all, I want to make sure you're comfortable" he says.

"If I'm in the way I could leave. You've served me a hot meal, I'm sure I can survive the night." She says somewhat disheartened.

"You can't leave. It started snowing again shortly after you arrived. Even with Dembe driving I'm afraid you wouldn't make it." He says sounding displeased.

She feels a wave of emotion sweep over her. She can't identify everything she feels but panic and rejection are among the chief components. She looks away trying to hide it from him, her breath ragged while she tries to regain control.

"Lizzie" he says, wanting her to look at him. She tries to steady her breathing and doesn't immediately look round. He knew it would be a mistake to bring her here but as the weather worsened over the previous days she was all he could think about. He needed her safe and despite everything that's happened he knew that was best achieved if they were together.

Eventually she looks round, her expression hardened. "Why did you bring me here?"

Again he doesn't answer.

She stands, "that's it. Snow or no snow, I'm leaving".

"You won't make it 5 feet from the door" he says, his tone hard.

"I can make it further than that" she says glaring at him.

"You could, but that's how far I'll let you go before I go out and bring you back myself" he replies tilting his head, his eyes locked in hers.

Her expression drops, the anger and fury melting away. Despite the warmth of the room she feels a chill settle over her; she feels lost and lonely, "I don't understand any of this, you know that don't you?"

"I know. And I'm sorry for the confusion but it has to be this way". He says. He is suffering watching her like this, but lessening her discomfort may just lead to other problems.

"I feel so awkward I can't think what to say to you, I feel like I repel you most of the time, it's like being around me is a hateful inconvenience to you and yet you're choosing this." She says her voice thick with emotion.

He stands and moves until he's a few feet from her but again he doesn't speak.

"Why would you bring me here? Why Red? I might have been cold at home but at least I wouldn't have to go through this. This is sadistic, and of all the things I know you're capable of I didn't have you pegged as that. Whatever I've done to you I don't deserve this. This isn't right. It isn't." She says while tears begin to blur her sight.

He steps close and encircles her with his arms, pulling her to his chest and resting his head on hers, while she just stands and lets him.

A sob escapes but she struggles against anything further. He just holds her in his arms, initially not moving, not talking, just his solid weight against her.

After many minutes of this stationary silent comfort he moves one hand to her hair and gently runs his hand over it. His eyes are closed; he's enjoying being this close after these months of self imposed exile. Her eyes are closed because she enjoying the nearness, the contact after so much emotional distance. She starts to move and he thinks she'll pull away but she puts her arms around him and holds him back. They stay this way for some time.

Eventually he releases her and they both step back. She looks at him, searching for answers that she thinks aren't coming.

"Let's go back into the living room; we can sit by the fire. You still feel a little colder than I'd like" he says taking her hand and leading her from the room. He settles them both on the sofa facing the fire, he still has her hand and he's caressing it with his thumb.

"Lizzie I won't tell you why I came back to work with the FBI, but I will tell you why I stayed" he says looking at her intently.

She just looks at him apprehensively. He never tells her whole truths, always a part of a story, a glimpse. And even then it usually costs her something. She can't think now will be any different.

"I planned on a short association, enough time to get the information and satisfaction I required. I stayed because of you. I knew of you before, everything about your life but I wasn't expecting that when I met you I'd become captivated. It's been so long since I've allowed myself any kind of attachment but before I knew it you had all of me. I stayed because I don't know what I'll become without you" he tells her, the words slowly and softly escaping his lips and filling the air around them.

She is silent for a moment, hearing the words, drinking them in. Then she says, "I don't understand what you're telling me".

"I'm telling you that I love you Lizzie" he says simply,

In her head she instantly says, '_bullshit'_. She waits a moment and then out loud she just says, "I don't believe you".

He just regards her, his expression soft and warm. He knows that she'll be less inclined to believe him if he pushes her. So he lets the truth of his words linger in the air, letting them seep into her until she knows the truth of it. But she's not as ready for that as he'd hoped.

"You are messing with me and I don't know why but you'll have your own twisted reasons I'm sure. But I'm not falling for it. I don't believe a single word of what you just said" she says pulling her hand from his, standing and stepping away.

He stands from his seat. Puts his hands in his pockets and says, "If you'd like I could do a number of things to you that would make it easier for you to believe. By the time the evening is over I'll ensure that you don't have any doubts".

She isn't sure if it's a threat or a promise but it makes her step back again. "I think maybe we've both had too much wine, I'm certain one or both of us is delusional".

"I can assure you that the words I have spoken are the truth, and I believe in time you'll accept them" he says gently.

"The truth! The truth is you've spent months ostracising me. Months of pushing me aside and distancing yourself. There were times when you were gone when I thought you'd never return, and times when I hoped you wouldn't. And when you were there I felt like my presence had been removed, eradicated from every room we were both in because you wanted nothing from me. I don't know what that is but it isn't love." She says, the hurt evident in her voice.

"Lizzie I have to protect you. The closer we are the more dangerous your life is. You are smart enough to see that" he says.

"So why the admission?" She asks.

"Because I've hurt you. And I need you to know that while I'm not sorry for my actions, that it was not my intention to cause you pain. In fact the opposite is true". He says stepping towards her.

"And what now? We carry on like what you just said doesn't mean something?" She asks.

"What happens from here is your choice. I consider it a wiser decision to carry on as we have been but as I said I don't know what will become of me without you" he says as he reaches her and lifts his hand to touch her hair.

She closes her eyes at his touch, tilts her head slightly into his hand. The words are too comforting to be ignored but all the same she's unconvinced. Can a man like that love her? Tom's departure and Red distance have her doubting what she wants to believe.

"I'm tired. I think I will go to bed now" she says.

He lowers his hand and again takes her hand in his, leading her from the room and up the stairs. He shows her to an elegant bedroom, with its own open fire glowing, heating and gently lighting the room. She sees all the clothing she'd taken off earlier, briefly wondering who is waiting on them so well. Then she notices a shirt on the bed and he follows her gaze to see what's captured her interest.

"When Dembe told me you refused to bring a bag I gathered a few items you might need. Most are in your bathroom but I thought you could use something to sleep in. I hadn't realised you'd be wearing quite so many of your own clothes but I think my shirt will prove more comfortable" he explains.

"Thank you" she says, her eyes meeting his.

"I'll let you get settled and come back to see if there's anything further you require" he says releasing her hand and walking to the door.

She wanders round the room, admiring the furnishings before making her way to the en-suite, finding there a selection of toiletries, a tooth brush and expensive creams.

She smells the body wash and other lotions, recognising his scent in them and wondering if he means to mark his territory with this gesture. Then she realises that he's sharing his belongings with her because she stubbornly refused to bring anything and there's probably nothing else available.

She takes a quick shower, tying her hair up so she won't need to dry it then she dresses in his shirt, buttoning it carefully so she's sure she's covered. It's much too big for her, so that helps maintain some modesty.

She is rolling the sleeve up when she hears a knock on the bedroom door. She exits the bathroom as he enters the room. He still when he seems her, he'd thought of her this way, dressed in his clothing, smelling like him but the reality far exceeds the fantasy. He gently releases a ragged breath, his control hiding his desire from her well but not entirely.

"Can I get you anything else" he asks.

She's a little startled by the desire she sees in his eyes but when he speaks his tone is even and reassuring.

"No. Thanks for everything" she says watching him closely. She wonders if he's feeling the tension she feels mounting. She thinks its presence is mostly her fault since she's dressed like she is; his shirt and nothing else. Perhaps she should have waited to change but she likes the idea of him wanting her.

"Good night" she says to break the silence and mounting tension.

He steps closer to her, his eyes fixed on her. He places one hand on her waist and he lifts his other to her jaw, cupping it and tilting it back slightly. He leans in and she closes her eyes as he kisses her. The kiss isn't deep but it's far from chaste. He lingers for a moment before pulling back a fraction. He doesn't release her but says "thank you for letting me do that". He watches a small smile appear on her lips before he steps away from her entirely.

"Good night Lizzie" he says making his way out of the door and closing it behind him.

He thinks if he doesn't get the hell out of there she'll quickly find herself without the need for the shirt as he'll be covering her body himself.


	3. Chapter 3

**A/N Sorry to everyone who wanted an extended blackout. I'd like that too but my story had other ideas. I've had a crazy week and a lot of thoughts about where this was going and where it should go. Now I'm back to following it instead of directing it I suppose. And a word of warning ...****_ I am leaving this chapter on a bit of a cliffhanger xx_**

**Thank you once again for all the reviews/favourites/follows. It is so good to hear what people think xxxx**

**Chapter 3**

When Lizzie wakes in the morning it's with thoughts of Red. Maybe it was his scent, maybe his shirt on her body or maybe just his close proximity but she dreamt of him the whole night.

She dreamt that he hadn't left her last night and that he'd done the things he alluded to earlier in the evening. Even the memories of the dream make her hot.

She washed and dressed and tries to make herself presentable. When she goes downstairs she finds him in the dining room, breakfast already underway.

"Good morning" she greets him a bit sheepishly.

"Good morning. Did you sleep well? He asks.

She can't help the blush that rises; she thinks she slept a little too well. But she just mumbles a yes and reaches for a glass of water. He watches her closely, wondering about the blush and her lack of eye contact. But he doesn't push her, he wants to give her space to decide what she wants; what she's wants to tell him and what she wants the future to hold.

"How's the weather looking?" She asks him.

"Better today. Last night's snow fall wasn't as bad as expected. However your power is still out so you're stuck with me for a while yet." He tells her.

She just smiles and nods her head while she sips the water. When she continues to sit quietly he moves to get her something to eat. He fixes her a plate and brings it over, leaning close as he places it down.

"Thank you" she says breathlessly. Red hears her tone, raises an eyebrow but says nothing.

They pass the morning, conversation slowly increasing as the day wears on. It doesn't yet feel like it did but more like a foundation for something more. A number of hours later Dembe comes in and quietly speaks with Red.

"It appears your power is restored and I have no reason to continue to keep you here" he says with a smirk.

"I can go?" She says, then, "Sorry I didn't mean to sound so surprised".

"You'd be welcome to stay of course but it might be wise to check your apartment for burst pipes, given the frost. Before you go I think we should talk more about what was said yesterday" he says turning his body to face hers.

She suddenly feels nervous, unsure of what to say. But then he told her that the future is up to her so she just has to tell him what she wants.

"Red I don't want things to continue as they are. I understand what you said about my safety and I appreciate that you were trying to protect me. But I want things to be like before" she says nervously looking at him.

He just looks back and after a few minutes says, "very well".

"I need time to think about the other things you said. I still find it difficult to believe given how things have been of late." she says quietly.

He stands and offers her his hand, pulling her from her seat. "I understand" he says in response. "Why don't we get you home?"

"I'll go and get my stuff" she says.

"No need. Dembe has everything in the car already."

They make their way to the door, he helps her put on her coat, his hands lingering on her. Dembe drives them cautiously back to her apartment. Despite the snow last night, the conditions seem the same. She wonders how quickly her apartment will warm.

When they get there Red accompanies her inside. He brings a small overnight bag that evidently holds her extra clothing from the day before. Inside her apartment the restored power has begun to take the edge off the chill and Red seems happy enough that her apartment in now liveable again.

"I'll take my leave now. However, if the power goes again I expect to hear from you" he says smiling softly at her.

"You will" she replies smiling back.

He steps close, as he did last night and she thinks he's going to kiss her again. For a long time he just regards her, not moving or touching her. Finally he leans in, leaving a gentle kiss on her lips before silently moving away and leaving her. It's not enough for her but it's also just right, she told him the truth, she needs time with this.

Later she unpacks the overnight bag and finds his shirt packed away with her belongings. She sleeps in it again that night, and most nights thereafter.

The temperature changes and it seems the capital begins to heat up. With the thaw comes the asked for thaw in their relationship. Things return to something more akin to their previous state. For her it's comfortable, familiar and everything she needs.

For Red it's also a relief. He'd worry about her regardless, but this way he gets to be close to her and knows he's not hurting her.

If anything things feel too normal. Red is giving her time. There have been no more kisses, no more touches and he hasn't mentioned again about how he feels.

After a few months of that she thinks she's ready for things to change but she isn't sure how to bring it up and no opportunity presents itself. Or at least she's too nervous to take any opportunity that does.

Then one night she decides to take a step. She knows from the tracking chip where he is. She knows it's wrong how often she checks his location but then she thinks no one really needs to know about her obsessing.

She parks on the street, some doors down from Frederick's apartment. The memory of her last visit there prevents her from getting out of the car. In her head she knows it's foolish, she knows how he feels and why he treated her like that but she's still hesitant.

She's more or less decides to leave without going in. She drops her head, looking at her hands as one worries the scar on the other. That's why she doesn't see him as he approaches. She's unaware entirely until he opens her door, stepping back and resting his weight on it.

"Hello Lizzie" he says.

"Hi" she responds looking as embarrassed as she feels.

He lifts his arm from the door and steps towards her, leaning over her body and releasing her seatbelt. He's so close; his scent invading her senses, making her close her eyes to savour it.

He takes her hand and helps her from the car. He doesn't release her hand as he closes the door of the car but instead pulls her close and leads her up the street and inside the apartment.

When he closes the door behind them he releases her hand but only so he can pull her body to his. He kisses her deeply, enjoying the feeling of her response. Within seconds he stops, resting his forehead on hers, "Sorry. I've wanted to do that for months and when I saw you outside I took my chance" he says by way of explanation but she's not complaining. In fact she only feels like complaining because he stopped.

He takes her into the living room, pours them both a drink and settles itself beside her.

"Do you want to talk?" he asks when some minutes have passed in comfortable silence.

She takes a few deep breaths, not sure of the answer now that the moment has arrived. "I think I just want to be, and see how it is, if that's ok" she says a little nervously.

He just smiles in response, he's glad she came. She's taken a step by coming here; it's a sign that's she willing to accept him and his feelings for her.

So they pass the night, not openly discussing their relationship but letting it be. During the evening it goes from a non entity to a gentle existence, nurtured by his love and her growing acceptance.

He touches her often, liking how she feels in his hands, the warmth of her body and her willingness to be near him. And when she leaves he walks her to her car, leaning her against it and kissing her with the passion he's been harbouring for her.

It is a promising beginning, one that could have been built upon and expanded if events hadn't taken such an unexpected turn.

It's the events of one particular raid that threaten to stifle what had only begun to develop. They couldn't have predicted how something so routine would take such a fateful turn.

They are in the command truck, Red being there because he provided most of the intel and because he chooses to be close to her as often as he can.

Cooper gives the briefing and they know they will be making a full on assault on a nearby warehouse, looking to end the operations of one particularly sinister Blacklister. But they are hitting the building when it's being visited by his associates, hoping to end more than one deadly business.

Red doesn't like it, he thinks the FBI is surpassing their reach but Cooper is determined that their operation is as far reaching as possible. Red attempts to school him about the danger of ambition but still it's no use. He would leave but he knows Lizzie wouldn't come and he's here for her now more than the list.

"You know how I feel about this." Red says to Lizzie just as she's about to go. What he means is, you know how I feel about you but there are people around and he can't say what he wants.

She just offers him a gentle smile. Having no idea how to convey to him how she feels. Then she leaves him, feeling more trepidation than she's ever felt. She should have taken it as an omen but she didn't.

Inside the building things do not go at all to plan. She's separated from the team almost immediately by gunfire that they generously return. She reports her position and hopes that they'll somehow find a way to rendezvous with her.

She continues to progress, the small updates in her ear increasing her confidence. They have started to take the upper hand, most of their targets reported down. But that's when it happens. She doesn't hear it, nor does she feel it exactly. It's more like she feels the effect; she's robbed of air and energy, she's physically moved as the bullet meets her body and travels inside, the round so powerful it's penetrated the material designed to protect her.

She returns a plethora of gunfire, emptying her gun of bullets before she's satisfied the danger has passed. But of course the danger remains, and expands like the blood stains on her clothing.

She hears in her earpiece as they finally clear the building but she finds herself unable to respond. She hears her name more than once in her ear but she doesn't say anything. It's taking everything she has to stay on her feet, to go back the way she came, her only thought of getting to him.

"Lizzie" he says into the microphone in the command truck, his tone terse. "Respond to me now".

"I've been hit" she says simply, sliding down the wall because she can make no further progress.

He's out of the truck before the words have time to register with anyone else. His only thought of getting to her. It's a frantic few moments for both of them before he finds her.

"Hi" she says, smiling as he drops down beside her. He doesn't respond, he's moving and removing her clothing and assessing her injury. He grabs her arm, addressing Cooper through the mic on her wrist. He gives their position and demands medical assistance.

She watches him as he tends to her. He's so focused. There's always a conviction to everything he does but not like this. The thought that she might not make it enters her head. But it's more that she won't see him again, won't hear his voice or hear him tell her he loves her even once more. It's this more than anything that breaks her heart.

He's aware she watching, of the frown that replaces her neutral expression, "what are you thinking about?" He asks her, hoping to monitor her through her voice, her tone and engagement.

"I don't think I'm going to make it" she tells him.

"You will get through this Lizzie" he replies briefly lifting his gaze to reassure her.

"You are always so certain." She says a small smile lighting her eyes.

"Lizzie, I will not let you die." He says in the same firm tone.

She's silent as he continues his attempts to stem the flow of blood. Others arrive but she barely notices. He tries to keep them at a distance; he's already doing everything that can be done. She just looks at him and watches his face.

"What would it be like?" She asks him.

He looks up, about to ask her what she's referring to, worried that she's losing her grip on reality but he sees warmth in her eyes, he sees love. She's asking him what it would be like if she let him love her. Not what she's allowed up till now but if she let him love her all the way. What a future would be like if she accepted it fully and returned it in kind.

He stops moving but his hands remain firmly over her wound. He speaks directly to her in a low impassioned voice but he doesn't care who hears, "I would cherish you. You'd know how deeply I love you because I'd tell you and show you one million times a day. There would be no doubt. I'd give you everything you ever wanted because you're all I want. And that's why I won't let you leave me, not now, not ever".

"Red" she says smiling at him, tears swimming in her eyes. "I love you"

"I know honey" he says back.

Her smile widens but her eyes begin to droop down.

"Lizzie, you will not close your eyes. Look at me while I'm talking to you" he demands. Her eyes lift, looking at him, not as bright as before but still there. "Don't do that again".

"God, you're so bossy" she laughs but it quickly turns into a cough. He holds her steady but it drains her depleted energy further.

"Red" she says, fear in her voice for the first time.

"I won't let you die" he says again, as much to reassure her as himself. She nods very subtly acknowledging his words.

He hears commotion behind them and knows help has arrived. They take over his triage but he stays just as close. Now he's free to meet her eyes and he offers her a small smile. The sight of him comforting her like this brings tears to her eyes again but he brushes them from her cheeks as they fall.

Raymond Reddington isn't afraid of anything. He's been threatened, shot at and tortured, just in the short time he's been back working with the FBI, and he has laughed at those responsible, mocked their feeble attempts to end him. But he thinks if she dies it will be the death of him. And he'll go wordlessly, without a fight.

It's a tense journey in the ambulance, she looks at him the whole time, wanting to enjoy what she feels are their last moments together. He wants to touch her more but his hands are covered in blood and he doesn't want to get in the way.

Instead he makes do with speaking to her, telling her more about how their life will be, how he'll love her and how it will feel for both of them. His words are soft and gentle and a comfort. It's all she could have asked for.

His tone doesn't change until she closes her eyes again, then the edge returns, and then the volume, but it's too late. She slips from him into unconsciousness, her last memory, him telling her about his love.


	4. Chapter 4

Sorry for the delay. I had bits of this but not the whole and felt it needed an ending before I posted. I'm having such a crazy time just now I struggled with the morality of the events! And then there were a few other fics going this way and I wondered about changes but here it is... As I intended... For better or for worse & short but sweet xx (and since it's another iPad edit I'm betting on a few worse moments xx)

Thank you for the amazing comments for this story. For the follows and favs. I am so so grateful to everyone! I have no more plot story lines in mind just now (just a few lines of text floating in my head), this might be it for a while.

This is the final chapter ... xx

3 months later

Raymond Reddington sits looking out of the window at the distant dark sky. There are no lights on in the room, only the faint moonlight filtering in softens the blackness. It's a cold night, still and soundless. He's thinking about things, about how his life could have been if events had taken a different turn. Those are not easy thought to have.

He thinks about that night, although it's acutely painful he can't help but dwell on it. He thinks about his desperate attempts to save her and the moment when he felt sure she was slipping away. He wonders what he could have done differently and it's mostly those thoughts that haunt him and keep him awake.

"Red" she says sleepily. He rises immediately, walking to the bed, lying down and wrapping her in his arms.

"Did I wake you?" He asks her.

"I don't know. Stay with me now though ok." She says already drifting back off.

"Of course my love" he says kissing her lightly. Then he just watches her as she sleeps. Some days he's so grateful she still here he can barely take his eyes off her. But those days, when neither can put into words their need and mutual desire, she senses his desperation and stays close, comforting him with her presence.

She languished in a coma for 5 days, the bullet wound to her upper chest having cause significant blood loss and trauma. Then she stayed another three weeks in hospital, before she was strong enough to go home. But she doesn't go home to her apartment, she goes home to him.

Well it's more like he whisks her away in the middle of the night, having felt the ominous tightening of the FBI noose, the stronger she got and the longer he stayed by her side. He ensures she receives the highest quality care and the physiotherapy she needs, he'll always provide for her no matter how off grid they go.

As the months pass he is so gentle with her, not wanting to hurt her, not wanting to push her too far. He thinks maybe she's still too fragile so finally it's her that instigates it, telling him she's ready. When they make love he's tender but insistent, she feels everything he told her she would feel from him. She wouldn't need this act to know he loves her but it is his emotion manifested; each actions, each delicate touch, each whispered entreaty.

They talk about the future and she asks him about returning to the FBI. He won't refuse her anything but he's relieved when she tells him it's not what she wants. After what happened he couldn't stand for her to be in that kind of danger again.

Their days are filled with each other; just talking or reading books, or eating good food or drinking fine wine and more often than not, making love. They visit galleries and spend hours roaming the corridors or sitting side by side admiring their favourite objects. Or in cafés where they watch the world go by, always holding hands or touching in some way. Or days spent in bed, enjoying the nearness that their love-making brings.

Months pass again and they continue to be as content. Then he starts to see a little apprehension in her eyes. At first it's minuscule and it barely registers but it builds and concerns him. They've gotten so used to talking about everything openly that he decides to wait until she's ready to share what's on her mind.

And she does. She comes to him one day when he's reading in the shade by the pool. He's owned this house in Italy for many years but never had occasion to use it. She sits down next to him but doesn't speak. He feels the weight of her unspoken words hanging in the air. He closes his book, "what's on your mind Lizzie?" He asks.

She sits with him, her expression pensive. He wonders what's brought on such a change in her and waits with his own growing anxiety to find out.

"Red I've got a problem. Well, no not exactly a problem but... I don't know. I've just something to tell you". She says, uncertainty making her trip over her words and thoughts.

He tries to calm the troubled waters of his mind. Whatever he hears he needs to take it in and not react.

"I missed my period. My body has been so messed up since the coma, I thought things were levelling out then nothing. So I did a test and ... It's positive. I haven't taken another. I don't think I'm ready to have this confirmed just yet". She says, looking down and away from him.

He's surprised. Not at the thought of her pregnancy, he can well see how that's come about but more because she's right about her body. Although physically she looks recovered, there have been things about its rhythms and patterns that have not returned to normal; she tires easier than before and her mood is less predictable. But all that had started to settle and he should have expected everything else to follow.

He thinks about what she's telling him, a little surprised he didn't suspect something but he thinks that it wasn't naïvety that stopped him from jumping to this conclusion, it was simply that he never thought himself so lucky.

"You don't seem pleased Lizzie." He states after his reflection.

"I don't know what I feel. I never intended my own children. I didn't want them to inherit my bad genes. I know it's wrong, I know it's irrational, I should know better, but I worried that criminality was carried in the blood. And now... " she stops, the words sticking in her throat.

"And now the baby will have my bad blood also. Is that what you think?" He asks leaning towards her slightly.

"No! No that's not what I mean. I'm sorry. I didn't mean to insult you. It's just, I always hoped to avoid this." She says her eyes moistening.

"The only thing this baby will get from us is love. It's natural to have some apprehension, I'm sure the hormones are only muddying the waters. But I know that you'll both be fine". He says.

"How can you be so calm? I wondered if you would be angry." She says finally looking up as he takes her hand.

"Why would I be angry? I'm as much responsible as you." Red answers.

"Are you ok with this? Ok for it to happen?" She asks.

"I'm ok. How could I not love something that's so much a part of you?" He says kissing her on her head and wrapping his arms around her. "I'm sure this is going to sound somewhat old-fashioned Lizzie, perhaps you'll even accuse me of being a little anachronistic, but I'd like very much to be married to you before the baby comes."

Lizzie just smiles and nods her head as her relief at his acceptance and this sudden turn in events causes such emotion that she can't speak for fear of losing all composure.

5 years later

Raymond Reddington thought it would be harder to stay off grid and more challenging to evade the FBI with a family, but good fortune and good planning made for a peaceful and joyful existence.

As he sits on the patio of their Italian hide away, watching his son and his wife playing in the pool he marvels at their good luck. For a while it seemed that Ressler was like a dog with a bone, hunting him harder than anything before.

Lizzie's pregnancy had progressed to the stage where they needed to stop moving around when fate - in the form of Ressler's own newly arrived off spring - served to divert his attention. What Donald didn't know is that his momentary and completely understandable lapse in concentration allowed them enough time to get a few steps ahead. And with Red's funds and resources those few steps allowed them to permanently vanish from the FBI radar.

Lizzie feels his gaze on them and looks up smiling to meet his eyes. Their time together has only strengthened the love she feels for him. She knew before she left DC that he would burn down the world for her but to live with someone who so loves you everyday is irresistibly intoxicating. The only thing better than that is seeing the love he has for their son. And so she scoops their child into her arms and carries him from the pool whispering, "let's go remind daddy how much we love him".

The End


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